Welcome to....Writing Wednesdays

I am declaring Wednesdays on this blog as "Writing Wednesday"....in hopes that this will encourage you to journal. Journaling is a great form of self expression. As well as, an inner communion with yourself. Taking the time for yourself, with pen and paper in hand, can be very cathartic. Sometimes it is easier to spill thoughts, feelings, or ideas out onto paper....rather than speak them out loud. Often times we can discover answers and/or insight when we journal. It is my belief that we have all the answers. However, sometimes we have to excavate the answers...or seek support to help us find our answers.

Journaling can be an excellent form of self-care/self-nurture. Journaling is becoming a very popular Expressive Arts activity and many consider it to be therapeutic. There are many different ways to journal. For example, you can journal in a scrapbook, in a professionally bound journal, in a spiral bound notebook, on loose sheets of paper that are kept in a journal box, etc. You can also get as creative as you want. You can use colored markers, pencils, glitter, snippets of paper glued with a glue stick (collage), etc.

Journaling Tips

Put together a journal bag or basket for your journaling supplies. This bag/basket should include a journal and pens. If you want to draw or add color to your journal, add pencils, markers, crayons, etc. to your bag/basket. Keep this journaling basket near a comfortable chair...or in a bag so you can grab and go out into nature under a big tree or in a park.

Set aside a time to journal. Give yourself about 15 minutes. If the material you are writing/expressing is traumatic, you want to limit your time and not overwhelm yourself.

When writing, don't focus on grammar. You don't need full sentences. Just let your thoughts pour out onto the pages of your journal.

Journaling is for your eyes only. Unless, you want to share an entry with someone. So, keep your journal bag/basket in a safe private place.

In closing, I would like to mention that some people use journaling to stay "connected" to their loved ones. For example, you can write letters to your loved one in your journal...and let him/her know what is going on in your life. You can also use a journal to write down things about your loved one that inspires you. Or, you can use your journal to write down the "Sacred Signs" you have received from your loved ones. Journaling quiets my mind and is a prayerful and meditative experience for me. I hope you will try journaling and see what it can do for you. May you gain insight, comfort and calmness in your life. Wishing you hope and peace.

Writing Wednesday Prompt

What does HOPE look like and feel like to you?

What Causes Grief?

Grief is increasingly being defined more broadly. Previously, when someone mentioned that they were grieving, most people assumed it was due to the death of a loved one. Even though it is still the most popular reason why people grieve, other things can lead to grieving.



Wikipedia defines grief as the following: Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss. It includes the emotion numbness, disbelief, separation, anxiety, despair, sadness, and loneliness that accompany the loss of someone or something loved........Losses can range from loss of employment, pets, status, a sense of safety, order, or possessions, to the loss of loved ones. Therefore, we can even experience grief when we get divorced, have to move, lose our home from fire, disaster or financial reasons, etc.



Many things can cause us to experience grief. Chances are that you have experienced a form of grief over your life time. Some grief experiences are more difficult than others. Some grief experiences may even be "fixed" when the situation changes. For example, a person may quit grieving the loss of their former job/income when they find a new job. Conversely, some grief experiences will not be "fixed" so easily. For example, when a loved one dies the grief will probably take more time to process and to integrate the loss into our lives.



The death of a child, spouse, friend, parent, grandparent, aunt/uncle, other family member or pet can be devastating. Sometimes a death is "expected" due to a terminal diagnosis. Other times the death is sudden and unexpected. Either way, the final outcome is death and usually brings about a degree of grief.


Unfortunately, our culture shies away from discussing and educating people about grief and the natural responses to grief. Thankfully, some of this is slowly shifting. Many things are playing a role in this trend. I think the shift is coming about largely because of the presences of Hospice organizations and how we are beginning to broadly define grief. I am in hopes that this trend will continue and our culture will become more tolerant and understanding of a grieving person.

Wishing you Peace, Comfort and Hope.

Honoring Our Fathers

I would like to announce a free class that I will be offering. It is titled, Honoring Our Fathers. This class is just in time to remember our Fathers/Father figures for Father's Day. I know holidays can be very difficult for those of us that have experienced a loss. So, if you are missing your Dad, Grandfather, Uncle, Father Figure, please join us for this class.

This class is a conference call combined with an Expressive Art activity. You do NOT need to have any previous art experience to take this class. We will focus on honoring our Fathers, remembering the "gifts" they taught us and do an Expressive Art project. The class will last for approximately two hours. The first hour and half will focus on remembering our Fathers and the Expressive Arts activity. The remainder of the class I will discuss general grief issues and answer grief related questions.

There will be a limited number of spots. So, please contact me soon to reserve a spot. To reserve your spot leave a comment on this blog entry with your contact information. I will email you a confirmation.

What: Honoring Our Fathers, Conference Call/Expressive Arts Activity

When: June 18, 08 (Thursday)

Time: 8:00PM Eastern Time Zone

Cost: Free

NOTE: This class is not a substitute for therapy. If you feel fragile, please seek professional help in your area.

LOVE is Eternal

I truly believe that Love is eternal. Therefore, the love created between you and your deceased love one is still there. The love is not turned off like a light switch. So, what do you do with that love? How do you make the love meaningful now?

Finding ways to nurture the love can usually ease some of the pain associated with a loss. So, even though your loved one is not present physically, you can discover ways to nurture the love that you experienced with your loved one. Continuing to nurture the love and relationship usually brings a feeling of closeness and connectedness to your loved one.

So, what can you do with the love you have for your deceased love one and how can you continue to nurture the relationship? Depending on your spiritual/religious/personal beliefs, there are many different things you can do. For example, you can create a sacred space in your home that has meaningful pictures and/or belongings of your loved one. You can use this sacred space for prayer or a place to sit and "talk" to your loved one aloud or in silence. Another idea is to create a memory garden in honor of your loved one. The memory garden can include your loved one's favorite flowers, a park bench, a bird feeder, water fountain, etc. Anything that brings nature into your heart, gives you good memories about your loved one and makes you "feel" the presence/closeness to your loved one. Did you know there is an organization called the American Horticultural Therapy Association (http://www.ahta.org/). I encourage you to check out their link. The American Horticultural Therapy Association has a great site and more information on the benefits of gardening. Lastly, I would like to mention an Expressive Arts idea.....journaling. Journaling can be an excellent way to stay connected to your loved one. It may be difficult to start journaling, however, once you start it can be very therapeutic and insightful into your healing process. Journaling is a way to express yourself and it is not about using correct grammar, appropriate punctuation, etc. There are many different ways to journal. At this time I will only mention two. The first type of journaling you could do is write letters to your deceased loved one. Tell him/her the new things going on in your life, your concerns, how you miss them, when you "feel" his/her presence near you, etc. The second type of journaling you may want to try is to write about your feelings. This allows you to express your feelings and can lessen the "charge" of the emotions/feelings. As I tell clients...."Don't make live inside your head what doesn't have to...get it out of your head by writing, painting, drawing, etc.". There really are no right or wrong ways to journal. Try it and find a way that suits you.

These activities also continue the legacy of your loved one. Keeping the legacy going can be very helpful in the healing process.


Thankfully, many mental health care professionals realize the importance of maintaining a "bond" with the deceased and finding ways to continue the connectedness. Not too long ago, this was highly frowned on. However, many therapists realize this can be a normal response for some grieving people. I encourage you to find ways to nurture the bond and keep the love flowing. So, whether nurturing your love through a sacred space, memory garden or Expressive Art activities, attempting to try one of these methods may give you insight and offer some comfort and peace.

On your journey I wish for you to find ways to bring love, comfort, peace and hope into your life. I will end this entry with a question.....How can you maintain meaningful connections with your loved one?

More about the Kubler-Ross Model

The last blog entry I identified Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's 5 stages of grief. I think it is important to mention that this model has received criticism over the years. Most of the criticism comes from the model being developed for the terminally diagnosed patient, not necessarily for the bereaved family and friends. Some of the other criticism comes from misconceptions and misinterpretations of the stages. However, it is my opinion that this model can be helpful on the grief journey. Grief is not an easy journey. No two people will ever grieve the exact way. But, this model can offer insight into the grief journey.

First and foremost, do not consider this a linear model. So, do not expect to pass from stage 1, on to stage 2, then stage 3, etc. If you can, imagine the stages of this model being in a circle with no particular place to begin or end. There are no stages to "graduate" and no certain place to start the journey. The stages (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression & Acceptance) can be revisited, rearranged and even removed for some people.

Lastly, I would like to discuss the Acceptance stage. I feel there is a lot of misconceptions about this particular stage. For example, when someone is in the Acceptance stage it DOES NOT mean that they must be "okay" or "like" the loss of their loved one. In my mind the Acceptance stage is more about realizing and acknowledging the reality of the loss. So, it is more about the permanence of the loss and the griever finding a way to "settle" into their new life without their loved one. As well as, being able to integrate the loss/grief into their life and function without overwhelming feelings of loss consuming them.

Unfortunately life will never go back to what it was prior to the death. But, a new sense of normalcy and a return to hope can be achieved.

Stages of Grief

As a Therapist and Grief Educator I am often asked about stages of grief. I am asked if there are stages of grief? What are the stages of grief? How long does each stage last? Why have I not experienced all the stages of grief? I get many questions in regards to the stages of grief. Therefore, I thought I would address the topic about stages of grief.

I do believe there are different stages in the grief process. There are many different professionals that will give you many different grief stages and definitions to stages. The stages that appeal to me the most are those set forth by legendary Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.

I have always admired the work of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. She first introduced her model in her book "On Death and Dying" back in 1969. Kubler-Ross was a medical doctor that worked with terminally diagnosed and dying patients. She determined that there are 5 stages of grief. Those stages being: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

Originally the Kubler-Ross Model/Stages were used with the terminally diagnosed and dying patient. However, many believe that these same 5 stages can be applied to anyone suffering a loss and/or catastrophic event. I personally believe the 5 stages can offer a simple explanation to a grieving person. With that being said, I would also like to point out that the stages do not necessarily come in a specific order. It is also important to note that some people may not experience every stage. I view the stages as a circular model that can be changed, rearranged and revisited. Therefore, don't expect to graduate a stage and head on to the next stage.

Unfortunately, there isn't a model of stages of grief that fits everyone. But, I have found the stages set forth by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross can offer an uncomplicated explanation of grief to most people.

So, how long does each stage last? Well, that is a great question. But, it doesn't have a set answer. Each person will experience the stages in different ways and in their own time. The stages of grief will last however long it takes. Every person has a unique history and set of circumstances that they bring with them into the grieving process. Therefore, each person must realize their situation and grief process will vary from person to person. You will find similarities among grievers, yet each person's journey will be unique.

The most important thing to recognize during the grieving process is to be able to discern whether or not you need professional support for your grieving process. Some people are able to walk the journey alone. While others benefit from seeking support from friends, support groups, and/or mental health professionals. You do not have to walk this journey alone. Seeking help/support does not mean you are weak. In my opinion it shows you are being active in finding helpful ways to heal. Remember, you have a broken heart...not necessarily a broken mind.

Lastly, if you find the 5 stages of grief by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross interesting, I encourage you to do further research. I only listed the stages. She wrote many books on the stages with great detail of each stage. So, check with your local libray, bookstore or web for more information. If you have any questions about this article, please feel free to post a question and/or leave a comment.

Memorial Day 2009

Welcome to this new blog, Grief Sanctuary. I believe today is a very important day to begin this blog. Today is Memorial Day. Memorial Day is not just a day that begins the summer with family gatherings, picnics, grilling, swimming, etc. It was originally called Decoration day and traditionally was a day set aside to honor fallen veterans. I encourage you, on this day, to remember the veterans that have fallen and to pause for a moment to remember your loved ones that have passed.

On this day I dedicate this posting to my grandfather, Bobby Rowe ("Papaw"). He was a World War II Veteran. "Papaw" was a hero in my eyes and a huge influence in my life. I miss our times together....yet, I feel his presence often.

Wishing all you Peace, Comfort and Hope on this day.

Welcome to Grief Sanctuary

Hello,



Welcome to Grief Sanctuary. This blog is dedicated to grief/loss/bereavement topics. This is a place dedicated to provide information and education about grief. Most importantly this is a place where mourning is considered a natural response to loss.




We all experience loss in our lives. Unfortunately loss is not recognized or talked about much in our culture. Most often death or loss is considered a taboo topic. I am on a mission to change those deep rooted beliefs. I grew up in the hills of eastern Kentucky. Death was common and not hidden from children. My family taught us that death was a natural part of life and grieving was a normal process. I suppose a lot of that had to do with both my Mother and Father losing a parent at a young age. They were seasoned grievers during my upbringing. Thankfully, they taught me and my brother that grieving a loss is a way of life and you can seek ways to adjust.



A bit about myself......My name is Misti Hall and I grew up in Virgie, Kentucky. I currently reside in Florida and Kentucky. I attended Univeristy of Florida's Arts in Medicine program and earned a Master's degree from Nova Southeastern University in Marriage and Family Therapy. My passion is helping the broken hearted heal. It is my wish for everyone to experience "A Return to Hope" after their loss. It is possible.